TO FALTER OR NOT TO FALTER
I had just concluded my youth service, with a fresh lease of life, pumped and psyched with half-thoughts of a plethora of possibilities that lay in store waiting to be grabbed and fully utilized. To be more candid though, I had mixed feelings of excitement and uncertainty as I was about delving into a new phase in my life, one that would best be described as “UNKNOWN”.
Ready I thought I was to put aside all my misdeeds and juvenile tendencies as the journey into manhood and self dependence got underway.
The First of the many decisions I had to make was finding an answer to the cliché question “WHAT NEXT”? The funny thing is prior to this time I had been so sure of my answer to that very question, I always blurted it out easily with my response being starting a Masters Degree program immediately after youth service but now reality as set in as the ongoing ASUU strike means that cant start anytime soon; at least not for a couple of months and believe me I have no intention of spending all that time doing nothing. I opted to start applying for positions at various firms and before long I was scheduled for an interview in one of the leading banks in the country. I didn’t know anyone in the bank (I no get Leg) so I half expected to hear back from them and then decided to still apply for the Masters program before the application period elapsed. As I began nursing thoughts of getting the Job and getting admitted for the Masters program I decided to cross the bridge whenever I got there. The following week I got a call for a second interview at the bank and by the end of the interview I was to resume in a matter of two weeks. I had just landed a job with a six-digit monthly salary and I sure did feel like I had arrived.
It was the 1st of July and I had just resumed at my place of work, I and 6 other fresh recruits who had also just resumed were being given an orientation of the Bank and its operations. As our designated guide dished out instructions we were supposedly never to forget I caught a glimpse of that smile that was capable of lighting a Stadium well after dark. The name of the custodian of that refreshing smile as I was soon to find out was Temitayo. She was one worthy of the Qualification, Beautiful…………………….enough about Temitayo’s smile, where was I? ok, so we ended the orientation exercise but not without me creating a scene after literally dropping my jaw at the sight of one of my colleagues which our guide was rather quick to notice plus his reaction made sure my actions were a talking point in the office which left me quite embarrassed at my perplexing lack of control. I was in for a huge surprise when the lady in question walked up to me just as I returned from my lunch break having gotten wind of my earlier actions, and there that smile was once again as she gracefully introduced herself to me.
That was to be the start of our “friendship” and in a matter of weeks we had grown really fond of each other, colleagues were quick to assume we had something going on and we did nothing to debunk any of the boundless stream of rumors that flowed on and on…….. (Errhhhmm…in case you were wondering NO, we weren’t dating).
I had settled well into my job sometime around September when I got a mail stating I had been offered admission into the Masters Degree program I had applied for a couple of months back. I had to make a decision quickly. My options were: quit my job for my Masters, try to work and study at the same time or forfeit my admission for a lucrative career. The rest of the day saw me very moody and gloomy or you could say distraught (someone actually used that word on seeing me) and my countenance didn’t go without my office “bestie’s” notice and she was quick to quiz the situation of things out of me. SHOCKED!!!! I was when all she said were “Are you going to leave me?” there was no answer for that question or at least not at the time.
I spent most of the next day making inquiries and checking the feasibility of working and studying as I wasn’t sure I was ready to pass up on my too good to be true salary. I concluded I was going to quit my Job at the end of the month (not an easy decision) because combining both was going to stretch me thing one too many times and this decision meant I had to relocate for the duration of the program. I suddenly realized I had been trying to make this decision on my own and with every sense of remorse I could muster I turned to God in prayer for direction. I got a word of confirmation that said I should resign my appointment immediately but I quickly discarded it as I thought to myself what would 2 extra weeks do to me.
It was a week to the termination of my appointment and I closed from work particularly early on this very day, I had just gotten home and was fresh out of the shower when I heard a knock on my door, it was rather surprising because my newlywed neighbors had left for another one of their weekend getaways earlier in the day (initial gragra if you ask me) and I seldom had guests at that time of the day. I opened the door to find it was Temitayo and as she stepped in she threw her arms around me and into my ears she whispered the words “please don’t leave me” and as I turned to look at her she kissed me and I returned the kiss and that night I ate of the Biblical forbidden fruit which I had stayed away from all my life.
I woke up the next morning to find that she had left, probably because she couldn’t bear to face me after what we had done. She had a fiancé!!!!! What was I thinking getting caught in the middle of this? I had committed multiples sins against man and God in one night with that one misdeed. As I took my bath, I scrubbed myself like my skin was “shaki”, if only the sponge was capable of giving me the desired effect.
I now realized why the Holy Spirit had told me to resign immediately a couple of weeks back. She had kissed me earlier in the week at the office, one that I did not return but I had fallen prey (True is the word of God in Matt. 26: 41 that says “Watch and Pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is week”). One week for me to leave and I faltered having been steadfast all these while and there that Yoruba adage was ringing in my ears “ibere ki se onise, aya fi eni toba fi ori tii dopin”….(Lemme try to interprete that: its not about †ђξ way you start but making sure you see it through)
There various ways to view this, I really hope every one of my readers are able to draw a lesson or two from this piece. For me:
Many are people who know what their calling, purpose and or ministry in life is, BUT they decide to stay a little while longer at a point that should have been nothing but a Bus Stop to their final destination probably because it seemed comforting at the time.
A lot of folks are steadfast for so long but that one time they decide to lower their guards they fall prey to that thing they’ve spent most of their lives guarding against.
Color me Shrewd if you Would, but I pour it as I see it.